You might think that going through a divorce when you have minor children is the.
You might think that going through a divorce when you have minor children is the hardest experience of your life, but co-parenting with your ex-spouse does not suddenly get easier as soon as your divorce becomes final. When people who do not have children get divorced, they can easily fade out of each other’s social circles and each other’s headspace. It is much harder to feel like you have made a new start after divorce if you and your ex have children together; providing continuity for your children takes precedence over living your best life. It is painful enough when your ex starts dating someone new, but it is immensely worse when your ex says the same hurtful things to your children that he or she used to say to you when you were married. Treating your ex like an enemy will only harm your relationship with your children. There is no substitute for the patience and emotional maturity required for successful co-parenting, but a well-written parenting plan helps, too. For help drafting a parenting plan that is conducive to a harmonious co-parenting relationship, contact a Tempe child custody lawyer. Read on for some more co-parenting tips.
Co-Parenting Tips for Healthy Relationships Post-Divorce
Having a Confidant Makes it Easier to Keep Your Emotions Under Control
Parenting is hard enough when you are happily married. After divorce, there will be times when you feel like your ex is undermining your efforts to instill self-confidence and self-discipline in your children. There will also be times when you feel like your ex is making dramatic gestures just to push your buttons, like throwing your kids’ Halloween candy in the trash to make a point about healthy eating or letting your kids play video games all weekend just to show you that you are being too strict about screen time.
Whatever you do, do not take out your anger on your children or on your ex-spouse. Instead, confide in a friend or adult family member, preferably one with co-parenting experience. Knowing that you will soon be able to talk freely about your feelings will make it easier to avoid losing your temper in the moment.
Be KIND to Your Co-Parent
Let the acronym KIND guide your interactions with your ex-spouse. Here is how to be KIND to your co-parent:
- K is kid-centered. Do not get into your ex’s business about dating, work, or anything else unrelated to your children.
- I stands for information. Provide your ex with all relevant information about co-parenting matters, such as your children’s school, your children’s health, and holiday travel plans. Do not make your ex play guessing games or ask your children to hide parenting-related information from your ex.
- N is for nice. Be as pleasant to your ex as you are to your coworkers. Any behavior that your boss would consider unprofessional would also not endear you to the family court. Another possible model for being nice is the way that you behave toward extended family members that you do not particularly like in the interest of keeping the peace.
- D is for direct. Be straightforward when communicating with your ex. The less small talk you make with your ex, the less room there is for conflict.
Communicate Through Apps or Lawyers When Necessary
How easy it is to co-parent with your ex-spouse depends a lot on your ex’s personality and on your relationship during and after your divorce. If you and your ex both honored your commitment to prioritize your commitment and to approach your interactions with the family equivalent of professionalism. Conversely, being KIND to your ex is an exercise in frustration if your ex seems determined to make life as difficult as possible for you and your children.
In high-conflict co-parenting relationships, it is best to minimize direct contact with your ex. Some couples who divorced years ago still end up arguing every time they talk to each other in person or on the phone. This is terrible for the whole family. In cases like these, the court might order a parenting plan where the co-parents have little direct contact with each other. Sometimes, having your mother or your new spouse answer the door when your ex brings your kids to your house is enough to prevent conflict. The court might order you to communicate through co-parenting apps such as Our Family Wizard or through your lawyers if you cannot stand to be in the same room with your ex.
Sources
https://divorceandchildren.com/tips-for-handling-a-difficult-coparent-dedicated-to-divorce-drama/
